Leave the Weeping to the Willow Tree

After a nearly an entire week of feeling pretty crummy, I’m so happy to feel like I’m finally getting back to my old self again. Prior to actually not feeling well, I also was just not my typical self in general. Spent probably too much time looking back and drowning in what ifs. Looking back is usually not the best idea if you’re already feeling a little down about things, but sometimes it can be good to remember where you came from and even remember some of your mistakes if only so you can remember not to make them again. You just can’t fall into the quicksand pit of your past. Leave it in the past and focus on the present! I read a really awesome quote a few weeks ago on The Single Woman twitter.

Happiness is enjoying each moment as it comes, without glancing at the previous one, or wishing for the next one. -TheSW

It has since become my words to live by. I find that I am definitely most happy when I’m living in the present. I struggle, not when I look back but, when I try to imagine my future. There is only one being who knows what is in store for my future and no matter how badly I want to write it, I’m not the author of my life, God is. I’m just living it!

Anyway, I wanted to share a little bit of the discoveries I made about myself while I took a little trip down Nostalgia Lane. Both of these pretty much go hand in hand:

  • I have the worst relationship luck ever.
  • I run when people get too close.
  • It’s true and it’s pretty embarrassing. Numerous times I’ve gotten to the point where things are about to change with a guy and either I pull away and the chance is gone or I have a cliche movie moment where I learn that things weren’t about to change after all and in a heart-breaking revelation I discover I’m not even the girl they want. Lucky for me these were all guys who didn’t deserve me anyway because I think if they were any decent they wouldn’t have let me get away, right? But it is quite a blow to a girl’s self-esteem when it seems a guy is on the verge of taking it to the next step with you only to discover they’re really just trying to get your advice about the girl they’re really interested in. Ouch!

    Moral of the story: Looking back and thinking “what if” or wondering how things would have ended up had you acted differently doesn’t change anything. I’m just going to keep focused on what’s important and pray that someday I find my own William Drexler III (you should read Filter to find out who he is). Until then, I’m going to live in the present and be HAPPY. You should too!

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