Punches Keep Coming

It’s funny how God uses moments in our lives to help us grow in our lives and in our relationship with him. In fact, each of us are different and what might be a hard struggle for one, might hardly be an obstacle for another. This week, I think I found a bit of what my biggest struggle might be and ironically, it’s the struggle that my brother had to deal with his entire life and still managed to do so with a great attitude! These past couple weeks have been health obstacles for me. Not big obstacles, but enough for me to realize that if I ever have a big health crisis, I’m not sure how I’d be able to handle it.

First it was my lumbar back strain. My back is still not 100% better, but definitely getting there. When it finally felt like that obstacle was over with, I started waking up extremely dizzy and eventually that dizziness turned into vertigo and lasted pretty much all day. It was a sinus/inner ear thing and it made me SO unlike myself. I was grumpy, impatient and just miserable overall and thus having no problem making those around me miserable as well. Looking back it just makes me think of my brother and everything he went through in his life and how he still managed to be patient and have a great attitude. I should remember that the next time I have a debilitating health issue. The outlook might be bleak, but it could always be worse!

I’m feeling much better now and I’m so grateful for that. The punches keep coming for me lately but I’m just going to keep punching back!

Other than that, I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut. I look around and everywhere I look are new beginnings. New relationships, engagements, marriages, pregnancies, and babies being born. Meanwhile, I’m here just watching them all stroll past. Lately I feel like maybe that’s just not in the cards for me. Sure, I have dreams of that for myself, but I feel like I’m an impossibility. Not that I’m incapable, just that it’s hard for anyone to connect with me. I desire close friendships and an eventual lifelong partner I can start a family with just like the next person but I find myself withdrawing and hiding myself away. When I do muster up some courage and come out, I end up talking myself into an awkward corner or back myself into one by NOT talking. I’d like to meet someone who would care enough to get to know me and not allow me to withdraw. Someone who will pull me out of my comfort zone that I keep crawling back into every time I get scared. I know there must be some reason I have this personality. I wish all the time that I was different and that I could be a social butterfly like all my friends, but I know there is a purpose for it. I just wonder what it is.

As I was typing this, Brandon Heath’s song Wait and See came on. I guess maybe God’s trying to tell me something! The chorus and bridge are my favorite:

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m not here for nothing
He’s up to something

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4 Responses to Punches Keep Coming

  1. Hannah says:

    I’m sorry you’ve been having health issues, I can totally understand how they make you grumpy. I don’t think anyone is their ‘sparkling self” when not feeling well – it’s just how it goes! I’m sure people understand =)

    And I do really believe that their is someone for everyone, whether it be a close friend or partner. I didn’t think I’d find anyone who understands & complements me completely and vice versa – but I did! And i couldn’t be more grateful.

    My grandpa always told me you have to love someone like you love yourself, and you can’t do that yet when you’re still unsure or not completely happy with who you are. To be able to love yourself is to be able to love others, but what I’ve learned the most: When you accept, know and love yourself, LETTING someone love you becomes easier =)

    I’m sure you will get there!

    • Angie says:

      That’s definitely true. And I think they definitely understood, just I hate that I wasn’t myself! My Mom mentioned she can usually count on me to brighten the mood when she’s not having the best of days and I hadn’t been like that. 🙁 Sad!

      I hope I someday find someone like you did! I’m sure there’s someone out there and your Grandpa is right! I’ve been working really hard to improve myself and love myself despite my flaws. I’ve definitely come a long way in that respect! 😀

  2. Whitters says:

    I feel like I’m in the same rut as you when it comes to the whole relationship thing. All of my friends are getting married and having babies and here I am alone. i know I need to get myself back out there but I’m absolutely terrified to do so. Instead I end up just withdrawing like you. I keep to myself, I don’t make an effort to meet new people… I just keep away from the world because that’s the only way my brain sees to keep myself from getting hurt again.

    • Angie says:

      Yep, same here. The only difference is the past couple years I have sorta forced myself out of my comfort zone a bit in the effort to TRY and change that, but I still find that when social opportunities arise, I pull back. When it seems someone might be interested in getting to know me better, I push away. I HATE IT! Drives me crazy. I just keep hoping one of these days I’ll encounter someone who won’t let me.

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