Monthly Archives: November 2013

Invisibility & Inner Beauty

When I first started my healthy lifestyle one of the biggest things I had to change was work lunches. I, like many others, work on a street filled with nothing but fast food / unhealthy restaurants. Previously a typical week at work would consist of lunches from McDonald’s, Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut and maybe Subway or takeout from the Italian restaurant across the street. So out of those options, the healthiest go-to was Subway. So when I made the change, if I didn’t bring my own lunch, I would usually hit up Subway once or twice a week and get a Turkey sandwich with lots of veggies. We went there so often, we formed a friendly relationship with the management there. Hands down the best Subway in this city mainly because the family that manages it are really great people!

At some point, I stopped going to Subway so often. I opted for bringing in my own lunch every day and making my own turkey sandwiches at home. In fact, I think up until this week, it’s been several months since I even stepped foot inside that Subway. The other day, upon discovering someone had tossed the food I had left in the fridge over the weekend that I planned to eat for lunch, I got treated to Subway. I walked in and the manager’s jaw dropped. He joked that I could probably start eating unhealthy food again now and that I had completely changed. My Dad told him I had lost a total of 101 pounds and he joked and said that I used to be a “roly poly” and was talking about how unfortunate it is but that a lot of the world judges by appearances alone and then started grabbing his employees to tell them how much weight I had lost and that he remembered when “roly poly” came in to Subway before that. I almost wanted to be offended by being referred to as “roly poly” but I just laughed it off because I know he wasn’t trying to offend me or hurt my feelings but also because I’m proud that I no longer can be referred to as “roly poly” or any other similar term.

Proverbs 31:30

The entire situation got me thinking, though. It’s interesting having both perspectives now: the perspective of a person who is obese/overweight and that of someone who isn’t. I was really lucky even when I was obese because I was never really subjected to any teasing, bullying or anything like that and despite being unhappy with my physical appearance, I had found far more value in the person who I was underneath. My friends and family (for the most-part) never treated me any differently and for that I am extremely grateful. I think because of that I never really paid attention to how I was perceived by those around me but now I know I’m so much more aware of how being obese makes you invisible. The ironic thing is that the more weight you shed (and less space you take up), the more visible you seemingly become to the people in the world. I’m not just talking about getting more attention from the opposite sex, which is certainly true, but overall people are more likely to interact with you when you weigh less. I never was aware of just how shallow the world can be until after I lost weight and it really is a shame because I know there are so many wonderful people who are overlooked and ignored because they maybe aren’t “beautiful” by the world’s impossible standards. I wish more understood that beauty is only skin deep. If only certain people could have a Shallow Hal type of revelation.

That entire day was definitely a motivating day for me. Nothing is more motivating than when people you barely know or people you don’t know at all approach you and let you know how great you look. It’s been years in the making but that will never get old! Sometimes weeks go by and I feel like I haven’t made any progress but when things like that happen, it makes me realize that even if the change is small and unnoticeable to me, it doesn’t mean that change still isn’t happening. On Monday, Will and I both started the same workout program: Focus T25 which is pretty much kicking both of our behinds. His more than mine, which makes me feel pretty awesome. Bwaha! I expect as this process goes on, I’ll probably be gaining some muscle weight, but that just means losing inches. I’ll definitely be posting my results as I go through the program.

You Are An Original: Self Love & Belief

I’m having one of those weeks where I feel like if I could just take a little bit of time, sit down and write, I’d feel so much better. Problem is, when I sit down to write, I just can’t seem to translate my thoughts down to text. This week has been a challenging one, in that I’ve been a little more clear-headed and able to see things from a bit of a fresh perspective but at the same time, I feel my stubborn side trying to fight against it. Sometimes being a Gemini can be a pain. Feeling very very split on some things lately and I know at some point I’m going to have to make a decision and commit to whatever it is I decide. Can I just go back to being a carefree kiddo? I think I wish that once a week AT LEAST.

So among the battles of this week, I’m in this process of learning to stop avoiding confrontation. I know it SUCKS to put your foot down, stand up for yourself and demand answers regardless of what reaction you get but at some point it has to be done. I’m the type of person that will quickly end any conflict by just nodding in agreement to move on as quick as possible. I’m usually the first to apologize and take the blame (even when neither action is necessary).

Royal Tailor // Original

I’ve come a long way and a lot of that is because of the confidence I’ve gained from losing weight. I guess, in essence, I place more value on myself now. However, more often than I care to admit, I still struggle. I struggle with self-confidence, self-esteem and self-belief. I’m sure a lot of it boils down to fears (usually silly, irrational fears) but also I have that annoying desire that we all seem to have deep down.. and that is: to be accepted.

Why do we place value on ourselves based on what the people in our lives think about us? Even those closest to us that we love the most are going to let us down from time to time. And those same people, are probably the ones most likely to hurt us, too. Maybe it’s just a simple offhand comment they make without thinking and somehow that one comment plants this giant seed of negativity in our hearts that is constantly feeding us NEGATIVE lies! ‘You’re fat.’ ‘You’re stupid.’ ‘You’re ugly.’ ‘You’re weak.’ ‘You’ll never succeed.’ ‘You’re incapable.’ ‘You’re not enough.’ etc. WHY?! Why do we torture ourselves with these thoughts? Why do we believe them? Why do we let others make us feel this way? I hate it!!

I guess we can choose to remove those kind of people from our lives, but sometimes that’s just not possible and sometimes it doesn’t even have to come from another person. It’s all around us. It’s on TV, on the newsstands, on the internet. It’s everywhere. So in a world full of negativity what can we even do to fight it?

It’s a non-stop battle but for starters we can place our value on what God thinks about us. I always have to remind myself of this and anytime a negative thought pops up, I try to immediately SLAY that thought by turning it into a thought that God would think instead. I saw this posted on Facebook this week and it was absolutely what I needed in that moment:

Beyond that, I’ve also been listening to Royal Tailor‘s new album almost non-stop lately and I feel like my personal anthem of the moment is the song “Original.” Check it out!

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I’m original, so original,
I’m original, the original

Tell me, why I feel like I must keep up
Reaching for what I just can’t touch
No I never can get enough
Tell me, why I’m hustlin’ everyday
Spending time like its currency
Paying bills but I can’t buy change
Pressure all around me
Is this who I’m supposed to be
Sick and tired of fittin’ the mold
Dysfunction is the cycle
That’s makin me a psycho
And I don’t have to take it no more

So overrated, too fabricated for me
So close to jaded
but I still choose to believe
I’ve been created for something greater
I’m a fighter, igniter, yeah I’m the original

Tell me, why we’re struggling everyday
Try to hide behind things we say
While we lose our identity
Tell me, if we choose to be who we are
Don’t pretend to be what we’re not
Show the world what’s inside your heart
Pressure all around me
Is this who I’m supposed to be
Sick and tired of fittin’ the mold
Dysfunction is the cycle
That’s makin me a psycho
And I don’t have to take it no more

It’s amazing the kind of motivation, inspiration and strength you discover when someone underestimates you and your abilities and you instead realize that you are capable, strong and beautiful in GOD’S eyes and that nothing else really matters!

Also a side note, site related: I was nominated for the Sunshine Award by a couple friends! I’ve been working on that post for over a week now and it should be up soon as well as an October Recap! Keep an eye out for those soon!