I’ve been spending an unusual amount of time in my own thoughts lately which is really saying something considering I already spend so much of my time there to begin with. Sometimes people give me a hard time about not being able to hear well, which I usually respond by saying it’s not that I can’t hear, it’s that I hear EVERYTHING all at once. Which is very true, however, sometimes in addition to all the other sounds around me, I’m also deafened by my own thoughts. This brings to mind the famous “teaspoon” quote Hermione dropped on Ron in Harry Potter. Seriously, I know all my fellow ladies understand this struggle. We are ALWAYS thinking, planning, and/or worrying about something and usually it’s at least a dozen things at once!
For me lately, I’ve been looking back on past choices and comparing them to the choices in front of me at the moment. I feel like I’m in a state of deja vu. About a year ago I was in a similar place. I was on the brink of making very difficult decisions and knowing I was going to disappoint people by making them regardless of what I chose. I had these big hopes and dreams for the future but wasn’t sure how they were going to pan out. I knew I had to take a risk because I didn’t want to be left wondering years down the line what could have happened. The grass looked so much greener on the other side.
Sometimes where the grass is greener it’s only for the season. Then the drought comes: The grass starts starving for water, eventually dries up and just waits for the drought to end. Funny how that’s where I was in my life a year ago. I was in a life drought. I was waiting for the rain to come. I made a change, I packed my life up (or at least the some of my life) and moved to a new place. It was in the Fall on the brink of Winter, that is, if you can even call it Winter in California. If you’ve never been to California, Fall/Winter pretty much equals Spring. It can be rainy and when it rains everything then turns green and blooms! I was in heaven. Winter in Virginia is usually pretty depressing. All the trees are bare and the grass is dormant. I ended up going back home for a couple months at the end of Winter and I left the beautiful weather in California to blizzard-like conditions in Virginia. When my plane was descending it was a Winter Wonderland below with giant piles of shoveled snow on the sides of the roads. After two months, it was finally starting to be Spring in Virginia. Everything was lush, green and blooming again. Just in time for me to go back to California. It wasn’t lush and green there anymore. The only green was on the trees and the resilient weeds and ice plants that survive without much water. Everything else was dried up.
I share this story only to make a point. Sometimes the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and if it is, it might only be temporary. Sometimes you might find yourself in that place where the grass looked greener only now wishing to go back to where you were before. If you find yourself there, that’s when you have to appreciate the journey. Just like the grass is only greener certain times of the year, sometimes the season of life you’re in needs a change. You might make the wrong decisions and then have to turn right back around again and start over, but there’s always something you will have gained from that journey. For me, the last year has definitely been full of new experiences, learning new things, meeting new people and discovering more about myself, my dreams and what I want in the future.
So no matter where the next chapter of my life takes me, I’m holding onto to that. Nothing is a waste of time. We are always being shaped and molded into an even greater version of ourselves. Embrace life no matter where you find yourself. The struggles, the heartaches and all the storms of life will eventually pass and then the grass will be greener right where you find yourself.