One of the things I used to love doing was posting blogs, sharing my thoughts, feelings, struggles, inspiration, and all the little things that excite me. However, at some point I allowed myself to stop doing so because there were people in my life who looked down on it. They thought the only reason for doing such a thing was to draw attention to themselves. That’s never what it’s been about for me. I don’t post things out in the world just to get attention, I don’t care about likes or comments, I don’t want fame or to have a huge following that I need to keep up with, and I don’t do it to let people in to the deepest darkest innermost thoughts and personal problems in my life. I try to only draw inspiration from the things I’ve been through or are currently going through without airing my dirty laundry or letting everyone in to my private life. In fact, I’m actually a very private person. I guess if you follow me at all on social media you probably know a few things about me and my interests, but I’d like to think I’m still very much a mystery to most people. I don’t open up easy. I don’t tell people I’m struggling. I keep smiling. I keep my head up. I don’t talk about everything, in fact, I struggle talking about myself, I don’t like to ask for help and I even struggle to ask for prayer when I most need it. I don’t want the attention. I don’t want to burden people with my problems because everybody else has enough on their own plates.
So here’s the thing.. the reason why I use social media and the reason why I really used to love posting blogs is mostly for myself. Writing is one of the best outlets for me and often looking back on my old posts is a great help to me but also if by posting something I help inspire even ONE person or I help ONE person get through something they’re going through, then that’s worth it to me. I hope in being positive and keeping focused on being more excited about life that it helps others to focus on that, too. The world is full of enough sadness, stress, heartache, harsh criticism, tragedy.. what harm is there in sharing a little bit of the good parts of life?
I’ve been going through a lot the last few months. I’d venture to say I’ve probably never struggled more or been more lost/confused about life and if I had kept writing not only would I have probably felt more at peace and relieved but I think I’d probably have a better idea of where my head and heart are at. If there’s one thing that is true about me it’s that I’m not good with the spoken word (but I am getting better). I have a tendency to jumble up words and forget what I was going to say or just completely lose my train of thought when I’m speaking.. but with writing, it’s easier. It’s more fluid. It keeps me focused. Written word has always been my forte and because of that, the written word is more meaningful to me when it comes from others too.
I don’t know why I let other people try to change that about me and try to discourage me from being me and doing the things that help me. But here’s to a new chapter. Here’s to getting back to doing the things that make me feel better. Here’s to getting back to sharing the excitement in life a little more. I’ll maybe try to post once a week to start and see how it goes from there. After all, it’s been a while and I can’t be too hasty, gotta ease back into it!